So I have made the decision a few days ago to return back to Boston. I’m not sure if Boston is where I want to be, but it’s where I have to be for the time being. I cannot afford to stay in Berlin, and well, I’m not sure if I actually put the 100% of staying here into action. Yeah, I was a little lazy, and well, unmotivated. I wasn’t sure what I wanted out of Berlin, and if it was a city that provide to my happiness. Right now all I do know is that I must confide in what I need to do.
I want to simplify my life. I want to rid myself of all these things I’ve collected over the past 29 years of my life. Simple, easy, and moveable. I want less furniture, less electronics, less this and that, just something that’s easy. My life in Berlin was that, and I’d really like to take that back home with me. First thing I have to do though is go through it all. I think that was part of my decision to leave though because I have all these “things” that I’m not sure which is what, and what to keep etc.
I’m also pondering the things that make me happy, and the things that I enjoy doing. I’m wondering about my “Art Career” which to this point has been pretty good, but at the same time sort of shitty. I have yet to be that “art star”, nor make any income from my work. I’m wondering if I want to pursue photography as a form of income, aka commercial photography. I do have all the skills, I’m just not sure I want to take the photos, so maybe be something at a computer retouching or resizing n’ shit. I hate working, I’d admit that, and with that, I think i have to simplify my life to the basics, to make ends meet right?
I’ve also been thinking about my time gone in relation to how Boston has been. I wonder if anyone there really missed me. I kept in contact with a handful of people out of the 100s that I seem to know. I was speaking to someone close, and well, he said it right, “You leave a city and learn who your true friends are”. Which is true. It’s sad to see that all happen, and yes Facebook has provided this excuse to see what people are doing, but not really interact with them. I think it’s funny that I’ve spent more hours talking to people I haven’t met before online than friends back home in Boston. Maybe it’s just that they feel that I know I’ll be back, so why do they have to put effort into it? I’m not really sure the answer to it, but I also don’t feel that I’m in the right place to call out any people on it, for I have probably done the same thing in my life.
Berlin has provided many things for me this past 10 months, more than I’d ever expect, which is amazing. I’m nervous about going back to Boston and being someone totally different and freaking out people. Well not nervous so much but just wondering how people will react. I’m wondering if I’ve changed that much that I’m a totally different person. Well, you know what I mean. There will be things that I will miss about Berlin, such as the easy going lifestyle of people, and the size and opportunities here in this city, but there are things I miss back in the states, mostly the cultural and lingual aspects of the states, which makes expression so much easier!
I feel that I haven’t really been able to have any in depth or full on conversation with someone due to the lack and limitation in language, but also cultural expression. This has allowed me to process information in a different way, but also slow down my thought process.
I think I’ve lost my attention span on writing. I guess the biggest thing is taking what I’ve learned and applied to my new life back in the states! We’ll se how it goes. Till then, 3 weeks till I depart. We’ll see what comes of it all! See who comes out of the woodwork to say goodbye, n’ what not!.
Very well said. Berlin will always be an experience that you will have for the rest of your life. When you come back, just take that with you
You’ll figure it all out!
So true, to live a life more simply would be wonderful. To NOT have all the material distractions would make it easier to see the path ahead. Making a living as an artist is hard work, but to have a mundane income helps quite a bit.