I never really thought that I would be making art that interweaves ideas of my relationship with my mother and childhood with questions and concerns about my sexuality and personal history. These two parts of my life have always been relatively separate, often purposefully, yet somehow more recently I am drawn to examine them. I have been exploring these ideas of my family’s history by looking at specific periods in my childhood, and considering the type of childhood that I shared with my two brothers (our adventures in the woods, video games, building forts, and other “normal” boy activities). The memories that my brothers and I created have always represented a certain notion of childhood innocence and self-indulgence that I really enjoy. At a certain point, these ideas of innocence and self-indulgence intersect with my sexuality, combining body aesthetics, fetishism, and meditation with indulgent childhood play.

My mother’s role is to be a catalyst between audience members and my work. Her personality brings a level of trust and validity to my work. I see my mother as a figure that is a representation of my past, and the keeper of my memories up until I enunciated my sexuality. My father, however, has not only been physically absent from my life, but is also missing in my mind. This paternal absence instigated a fetishization on my part for the father’s role in the family. Many of the men who comprise the gay bear culture fit my emotional (caring, affectionate) and mental (nurturing, domestic) depictions of a father, but I am also sexually attracted to their physical forms (facial/body hair, mass). This forces complications between sexuality and family, and leads me to explore the idea of incest through my interest in “Daddy bears” with me as their “son”. Through this lens, I am looking at the placement of my mother and my “daddy” within the same context, challenging the views of how we see and construct family.

The issues that I explore revolve around my sexuality and perceived identity within society, and are constantly being obscured, expanded, defined, and complicated as I come to a deeper understanding of our society’s complex ideas behind family, morals, and the construction of our sexual identities. Through all of this, our ideals and perceptions about life are confronted by the norms that drive our everyday conversations, and the actions that define us. Challenging these ideals creates conflict, but simultaneously allows us to consider a different perspective about how others exist, and break away from securities that we latch onto.